31 Days to Finding Balance as a Home Manager :: Day 13 { Spend Special Time With Your Children}

*Today's post was originally featured  back in July of 2009...

I am re-posting it because one way of seeking Balance as Home Manager is not only finding time for you, but setting aside intentional "Special Time" with your children as well;

Special Time is the name given to a small part of your day (ten to thirty minutes) you set aside to spend exclusively with your child. In research with children who are repeatedly defiant and oppositional, special time has shown to play a key role in reducing the behavior by promoting a strong parent-child bond.

We introduced "special time" into our family shortly after our second baby was born.

Our oldest child, then 3, was beginning to act out in several ways. I suspected it was probably due to our new addition, but was unsure how to respond in an age appropriate way to him. I sought out advice from my sweet Mama who is my go-to 'expert' with this age group as she is a preschool teacher of over 25 years!

Shortly after our talk she had a (previously planned) luncheon with friend who has a masters degree in child development. My mom told her about our fussy new baby and about our 3 year old's recent defiance, limit pushing and over-all naughty behavior. Her friend agreed said that he was misbehaving to get attention.
She said that it would be good to give him several 5 to 15 minutes blocks
of attention instead of one long block of attention. Here were some tips to get started:

1. First, tell your child, "We are going to have special time together." Let them know when to expect it. (After school, or dinner, at babies nap time etc.
2. Ask, "What are some things you would like to do for our special time here at home?" Give them some choices if he cannot think of anything. Spend time brainstorming together and make a list you can refer to.
3. Tell him when you will have the next special time.
4. Tell him when you are having the special time. "This is my special time with you, Owen." Say something positive like, "I like doing things with you."
5. Warn them before the time is up and say... "Soon it is going to be baby's turn ....or Mommies turn."
6. Tell them when the next special time will be. Remind them to be thinking about what they would like to do.
7. Later, remind him about the special time you had together, and that another special time is coming.
8. Do not take special time away as punishment for behavior earlier in the day. Being able to count on special time with you provides them support and sense of unconditional love and connection.

“Special Time” provides children with some structured way of knowing when you’re available. It will meet the indwelt need they have to feel connected and to have a security about their place in the family.   With sufficient positive interaction, they won't have to act out negatively in order to get your attention. Knowing you’ll spend time with them at planned times throughout the day will encourage better independent play as well.

OTHER POSTS IN THIS SERIES:

Day 1 : Introduction
Day 2 : Get Adequate Rest 
Day 3:  Defining Priorities 
Day 4:  Where Does Your Time Go? 
Day 5:  Re-Define Your Role 
Day 6:  Establish a Morning Routine
Day 7:  Establish an Evening Routine 
Day 8:  Have Some FUN! 
Day 9:  Rest Regularly 
Day 10:  Identify & Understand Your Unique Temperament
Day 11:  Become a Student of Your Loved Ones
Day 12:  Find Time for You